Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Bear with me and my motherly reflections.

I've never really allowed myself to regret anything in life. To me, regret is a huge waste of time...a waste of precious energy that I just don't have extra to give away. These past few months in my times of reflection, I find myself looking back though, over the things in my life that have impacted me greatly and the things that have taught me some of life's greatest lessons, more often than not the hard way. I play a tug-of-war in my head, sometimes believing one hundred and ten percent that everything that happened in my past, has led me to this point, to this wonderful life with my amazing husband and beautiful daughter(s). And then there are some times, where I'm slightly more pensive where I think about my daughters as I take a look back over my life before them. It is in these times that I wish on a million shooting stars that they travel on a path that is a little less treacherous than mine still arriving at the same comforting place. Isn't that a wish that all mother's have? Don't we all wish we could stand beside our children on their paths through life sifting through the experiences that may cause too much pain and guiding them to the ones that will bring joy and happiness? But I can't can I? And no matter how hard I try, my little girls will grow up to want to sow their own paths probably even more independently than I. They need that. They need to feel some heartache to appreciate real love. They need to make a few mistakes that will test their resilience and to learn how to scrape off their pretty little knees and try again. So I think and I think and I think...I think of what it was that grounded me during my most rebellious times, what made me stop and think and I come to one Now that is something that I can give my little girls. That is something that I can show them every single moment of every single day through things so little to those much more grand. Through holiday traditions at home with our family, through home-cooked meals, bedtime stories, notes in their lunchboxes, through warm chocolate chip cookies, and through an ear always there to listen. Through stressing the importance of family and showing them what can be accomplished through faith in the Big Man Upstairs. Through showing them that no matter what they do, I will always love them and that I understand they need to spread their wings without their mama's constant guidance. I can show them the many facets of love whether that be the selfless love in my relationship with their father or through the oftentimes difficult, tough love when I see them falling into a place that might scar their naive hearts. I can show them that love holds no bounds and that when their Dad is far far away, we will always be connected even when we're missing such a huge part of our whole. I can't stop their heartaches but I can pray to the good Lord that they find meaning in this life through Him and hope with all my might that I see them one day as happy and as content as I feel now. It's my job, my one true job in this life to show them the way and I'll be damned if I let anything stand in front of me.

So here's to having daughters and the great love that comes with seeing them grow into little ladies. Thanks Mama and Pops for showing me how to teach my girls the love of a family and never giving up on me. I may have given you a run for your money but I turned out alright I think? ;)

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