November 1st. Wow. I woke up this morning with an anxiety I don't remember feeling when I was pregnant with Sophia. It was probably because I was too wrapped up in actually being pregnant and getting Chris ready for his deployment that I was less aware of all the details of Sophia making her entrance into the world. Going into labor and really becoming a mama were beyond
anything I could imagine at that point. Now I can't stop thinking about what life is going to be like with the four of us. I've had this nagging feeling, the one that you try to ignore but you can't, that's telling me to 'get ready, be prepared, it could happen sooner this time' when all I really want to do is put my feet up and snuggle with my first born until the time comes where we can just add our second little love to the mix. I told Chris yesterday that it's been bittersweet for me
...wanting so badly to be soaking up every second with Sophia but knowing that I in a way have to take a step back, not hindering her growth and ever-growing independence but guiding her differently these days. It's been hard to wrap my head around how I will possibly be able to divide my attention between my two girls but seasoned mama's tell me not to worry, it'll happen and it'll be perfect. So I wait. I wait for all the changes that are to come, nesting and organizing, checking to-do lists and preparing a home fit for two little princesses. Fall is the season of change right? So amidst my puttering, I've changed the mantle and the little nook
where I like to read and have a cup of tea while I watch Sophia ride her bike. I've been on a mission to add to Sophia's non existant winter wardrobe desperately trying to get her in anything other than
a spaghetti strap dress (Thank goodness for Old Navy and their wondrous coupons!). I've changed the lengths that Sophia and I walk around the neighborhood slowing down to show her the
piles of fallen leaves and listen to her talk in great length about where baby sister will fit in to our Mama & Sophia walks. It's a nice thought, how baby sister will fit into our lives...a lot like getting lost in the clouds if you ask me. I appreciate a lot these days especially when I stop and daydream about having two girls. I am so happy to be at the end of a very long journey and at the beginning of something even more wonderful than I could ever fathom. So here's to the end of October, the end of me really being able to paint my swollen toes and the beginning of what I've been looking forward to for SUCH a long time! Happy November!
"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to forever have your heart go walking around outside of your body."
I am a mom who loves my girls more than anything in this world. I write to gain clarity and I write in the hopes of never forgetting a second of what being a Mom has meant to me along this crazy ride called life.