Saturday, January 29, 2011

Growing up, I fought every battle there was to fight. I believed that I should die on every hill and by GOD, I was going to do things MY way. And then I became a mother...and I realized that part of having children was about showing an example of unwavering strength and perseverance...not one of anger, rebellion and haste. I'd much rather teach my girls that some things in life are worth fighting your faith, your family, your true friends and your reputation...and others just simply aren't. What truly matters amidst the crazyness of life is laying your head down at night knowing that you did everything you could do be better than yesterday, despite how other people tried to make you feel. What matters most is that despite life's obstacles, you found strength and comfort in the simple blessings that most people take for granted...a roof under your head and a family that loves you. What really matters is that you realize that God doesn't give us what we can handle, God helps us handle what we are given and that you turn to Him when you just can't take it anymore. This has been a tough lesson for me to learn over these passed few years, most especially over this last month that Chris has been gone. I can't afford to be anything less than my very best because I've got two little girls who look to me as an example, an irreplaceable teacher in this lesson called life. I tell myself at the end of every day, that that's all that really matters anyway.

This past month has been anything but peaceful for my girls and I, but you know what? Despite the many obstacles, January has come and is now almost gone in what feels like a blink of an eye. And our oldest girl had a birthday amidst it all. Sophia is three and as beautiful as ever. We had a wonderful week spent with friends and family and I am forever grateful for the people who helped celebrate Sophia's special day. I did my darndest to distract my girl from the fact her Daddy was so far away and other than a few hiccups (Sophia crying hysterically when her friends sang her happy birthday! Go figure!), I think the day(s) went great. We spent her actual birthday with her best little friends at Chuck-e-Cheese and had a low-key birthday get together that following weekend. It was just as I'd hoped. I had my mom and sister Mary in town to celebrate with us and my wonderful girl friends made me feel so lucky, yet again, to have such a great support system. They picked me up when the emotions of the day hit me and were the ears that I needed when I saw more than ever that empty seat at the dinner table on such a momentous day. But you know what I realized most? I tucked Sophia into bed the night of her birthday and I felt my eyes welling with tears. I thought, was it really three years ago that I sat in my hospital room, with Chris far, far away, as he is now, and snuggled with my new beauty? Sophia saw me start to cry and that made her cry. She told me that she loved me and that she 'missed Daddy'. It broke my heart but I felt my Mama bear strength kick in as I told her that her Daddy loves her more than anything else in this world. I know I'll never be able to say that she won't ever see me cry...but like I mentioned earlier...I am her example and she will always know that because I have her in my life...I am always so happy. Yes, we miss dad but we are strong and Dad wouldn't want us to be sad. Never underestimate yourselves Mamas. Our children watch us more than we know. I've learned so much over these past three years...these past few months really. Motherhood and the Marine Corps have taught me how to be a better woman. 'While we spend our whole loves teaching our children about life, our children teach us what life is all about' and because of my Marine and my girls, I'll forever keep on truckin'.
Finally, no tears and some smiles to blow out her candles!
Playdoh! Sophia's favorite! Thanks Hunter!
Her own I-pad we call it...from Daddy! Where were these cool gadgets when I was young?

My beauties...taken by my wonderful friend Jessica. 

No comments:

Post a Comment