We are happy girls here...yes we are. We do a lot of laughing, we keep each other smiling and we have a lot of fun. But there are times when we all need a good ol' scream and let me tell you...Alessandra's got a lot to get out. I've been doing some reading and researching, sort of brushing up on what babycenter believes it's like to be 7 months and then throw in a little comparison with what I remember of Sophia being this age (does every one's memory decline with each subsequent child or is it just mine, hence the need for the brushing up?), I've knocked the screaming up to a couple of things. Alessandra is a little more sensitive than Sophia ever was to me putting her down when we're in the house..and so they call it; Separation anxiety. Whatever it is...my little girl is smart. She knows what she wants and knows just what she has to do to get it. At times she is a wonderful actress. Babies are smart like that. Man oh man, she'll scream bloody murder until this emotional mama scoops her up and she's instantly back to her happy go-lucky SMILEY self. Lately, I haven't been falling for it and nap time has become a battle of wills and by golly, I am stubborn when I put my mind to something. We've made huge, huge progress on the nap front but after a few minutes in a 'seat' of sorts be it her swing or her bumbo or her little recliner I call it...the little love is itching to be held which as you can imagine makes for a LOT of dirty dishes and around half of a clean house. *Sigh* And then we've got the whole 'teeth coming in process' which goes through my mind about as often as I think that she's got a future in Hollywood. Oh the poor little thing gums on just about everything in sight and drools like a champ leaving me constantly prying open her mouth to check for any little white buds. Combine all these with a completely unannounced summer cold and you've got a little love who's getting extra snuggles and a mama who's half losing her mind (in a good way, I promise! ;-P. In all seriousness, I've been thinking a lot about what it means to 'live in the moment' despite what the moment is like and I came across this quote....
Having spent the better part of my life trying either to relive the past or experience the future before it arrives, I have come to believe that in between these two extremes is peace. ~Author Unknown
My experienced mama's tell me that all this is just a phase and having gone through challenges with Sophia around this age, I agree. But when one says 'it's just a phase' one usually implies a bit of a struggle or an impatience for a different stage. I do struggle at times. I struggle with going at this alone, with never seeming to have enough time in the day to get everything done, with my own feelings of loneliness that are never really confronted and I struggle with not being able to measure up to the Mom AND Dad that I have to be while Chris is away. But of my struggles, the one I'm thinking and working on the most these days is my struggle with the very impatience I mentioned earlier...my struggle with not stopping to enjoy this phase, just as it is. My little girl wants me. She wants me to hold her, and cuddle her and love on her. She sometimes wants me to rock her to sleep and other times like tonight, she soothes herself cooing herself to sleep as I listen outside her door. I make her feel safe and loved and you know...that's not so bad at all. The vacuuming can wait and the dishes will eventually get done. I've got a little babe to show that I'm here and if I have to go, I will not go far. The girls are growing. They are growing so much that I oftentimes think...where does the time go? I'm so busy waiting for Chris to come home and where yes, I will forever look forward to that glorious day...I'm here right now with two beautiful girls, able to stay at home and be that consistency they need while Chris is far away. I've got to live in the present and find the peace amidst the sometimes strenuous routine. As this deployment moves into it's final months, I'm feeling stretched thin and utterly exhausted but ready to do some more growing...the type of growing that you can only do when you've got no energy left to do it. I will work my tail off until the very end, I can promise you that.
I find it interesting how life ebbs and flows. Where these past few weeks have been more time-consuming with Alessandra, Sophia has grown and been an amazing relief in all the madness. She sure does love her little sister but more than that I'm happy to see her realizing that life isn't all about Sophia as life sometimes is to three year olds. She's recognizing the needs of others and trying to find ways to help. It's wonderful to see and warms this tired mama's heart.
I don't meant to complain and I definitely don't want to sound like I'm whining. I more than anything like to write to find clarity. Writing helps me look at things from all perspectives and my mind feels at ease when I can make sense of my thoughts by putting them down on 'paper'. So much of my life as a Military Wife is marked by deployments; in other words, marked by waiting but I don't want to look back and find myself just waiting...just going through the motions until this deployment's over or that deployment's over. I'm going to look back one day and wish these days with my girls didn't go by so fast. Much like the Trace Adkins song 'You're Gunna Miss This'...I am...I really am. I'll miss all this when our girls are grown, teething and screaming and all. So here's to living in the here and now and enjoying every minute of the chaos.